"Losing Streak Ends"

In their existence, the Oxymorons have never won a softball game. We have tried everything…lineup changes, pep talks, story time with Troy, intimidation…Nothing could change our fate. Last night seemed like a typical night for the Morons at the Ghetto Plex. Due to the late games, we were armed with only half of our team, half of our coaches and only one lonely fan in Suzie to cheer us on. It was more quiet than usual as only one half gallon of beer was passed around before game time. There was a moment before the game where I looked out into the field and a slight breeze blew across the dirt…It was quiet and all you could hear was an empty beer cup rolling across the dugout….That moment was the calm before the storm!! The coin was flipped and we stepped up to the plate. It is amazing how one inning can change a teams swagger forever. The old Morons knew what to expect and approached our first at bat with "oh well…here we go again…" BUT our new additions in Austin, Dustin, Fred and Lindsey were totally oblivious and actually had a little fire in their eyes. The softball ripped off of our bats one by one and we quickly went up 6-0. We sustained the lead throughout the game with great hitting and outstanding defense. Austin covered the entire complex with his range in LF, not letting one ball hit the ground. While Austin was signing autographs for the ladies, Janet took over with her glove to help keep the streak alive. Fred decided to purchase a magnet that attracted the same material that the seams of softballs are made from. Balls were hit directly to him all day, some even curving mid-air flying right into his glove. I swear he caught five balls in RC and never had to move. Randy and Dustin manned the left side of the infield scooping up everything in their sites only to send laser beams to first base. Tracy and Tromp protected their life by catching every missile safely in their mitts. Kristie and Lindsey bolstered our RF and catching positions nicely. Although the umpire mocked her glove, Kristie scooped a nice throw into the plate from the outfield saving a run. Speaking of gloves…Lindsey showed up with a new lefty weapon of a mitt purchased by Sug D himself. My cleats are getting old so I am thinking of hitting him up for a new pair! Shebin found his hitting stride late in the game, but it was his fielding that kept him in the game early. I do not see double plays in his future at 2B, but plenty of force outs. Last year, James Hoang pulled the impossible by playing completely invisible for an entire inning. I never thought that I would see it again, but last night Randy Volkin performed his own version of that very same magic trick. He played an entire game giving off the illusion that he was not really there at all. He did not catch or hit a ball, but I did hear a fan in the stands whisper to his wife…"I know how he is doing that…" and because of this team effort both in the field and at the plate...WE WON THE GAME 8-2!!!! This was the first win in Morons history. The age old question was finally answered and I was there to witness it. If a Moron team wins its first game and no one is around to see it…did it make a noise???.....YES, It Does!
OD