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Morons seek to turn tide in playoffs

With the regular season wrapped up and the playoffs on the way the Oxy Morons look forward to an opportunity for redemption. While the regular season may not have always been pretty, there were flashes of greatness. Mark O. a.k.a. "White Thunder" a.k.a. "O Really don’t need to practice" a.k.a. "I’ll throw a girl ball to a guy any day anywhere" hit an in-the-park homer week one and Janet Braly "The Sniper" provided plenty of pop throughout the season. "One Tree Hill" made a catch along the fence that was easily a top 10 play on Sportscenter and "Snail Mail" went all out to snag a foul ball at the backstop. Coach T-Roy and the Skipper are working relentlessly to get the team fired up for this clash of Lower Rec teams. Also, Andres "The Avocado" is fine tuning his debate skills for any potential disagreements with the umpires. Some teams might be discouraged with an 0-10 record, but the Morons see this as their chance to shine. Could it be the Morons were merely setting up an opportunity to hustle other teams in the playoffs? Stay tuned. If the Morons can streak together some hits and bring "the curse" upon their opponents we may see a magical run. Two things are for certain, all team equipment will be in the dugout and the fans will be rowdy. The atmosphere should be electric. Fans, bring your cushioned stadium chairs and plenty of cash for drinks it could be a long night at the "ghettoplex". If you forget your cash see the team mom, she may be able to help you out.
-Allen Tromp

Visa Moron Card

Ponytail holder - $2
Ponytail Perm - $60
Getting punched in the throat because your ponytail whipped Allen in the face- Priceless

XXXL white spandex pants - $25Louisville Slugger bat - $100
Melting the paint right off the bat onto your spandex after the "chocolate friction" was applied - Priceless

Complex entrance beer token fee - $2
Half gallon of beer - $7
After consuming over 100 oz. of alcoholic goodness, you decide it is a good idea to tell that story about the dude touching your leg in the sauna - Priceless

Umpire fee - $40
New York Times best seller entitled "10 Ways To Go From Umpire To Doosh" - $35
Having his family threatened by the Avocado after a terrible call - Priceless

3rd base sideline fence - $300
Cosmetic surgery on face to remove fence imprint - $4000
Having the opportunity to prove that a metal fence really does taste like chicken - Priceless

Mohawk haircut using a Bic razor and Flow bee - $0
Logitech Boom Box - $199.99
Blaring your favorite Tupac Mix during a Beer League Slow Pitch Soft Ball game - Bad Ass

Your Grandfathers cleats from 1932 - $0.35
Duct Tape - $1.99
Playing in your softball debut with one cleat and one ballet slipper - Like A Boss

Sweatpants - $10
Zoolander make-over Kit - $145
Realizing mid-season that 100 degrees is too hot for sweatpants and that the kit you got from Amazon.com was not the "From Rags To Ruth" kit that you wanted - Priceless

Cost To Play - $40
Morons Jersey - $26
The fact that it was worth every penny even if you went 0-11 at the plate, you did not have one catch in the field, your throws were never on point, you struck out in slow pitch, you were too drunk to function, you screamed or did not attempt to move as balls were hit your way or you pulled every muscle in your body to the point you considered calling off work the next day (or did..Randy) - Priceless

Morons Earn Playoff Slot

Don't look now folks, but your favorite home team has just made the playoffs. That's right....hard work, hustle and teamwork has moronically paid off. You never know what can happen in the post season. Every team has a chance to show what there made of. I understand the rush to get tickets to reserve your seat for the first round, but you'll have to wait, as the schedule has not been posted. Stay tuned.

The lineup for the Morons will reward the top performers in our season with a start. In case you haven't been going to any of the games the new stats have been posted. Therefore, your starting fielders will be Janet, Kristie, Tracy, and Rene for the ladies and Shebin, Troy, Travis, Randy N, Mark and Jason for the guys. Everyone will bat, and the rest of the team will sub in halfway through the game. Congratulations to everyone on a great season.

As far as funny stuff, the tank is officially empty. I believe everyone has received their fair share of roasting and has taken in well. If we have a guest blogger who has anything to say, send it over to me via email and I will post it for you. Feel free to send comments about your coach. I can dish, but also receive (and that doesn't include saunas Avocado).

Adios!

T-roy

End of Season Stats!

Last Game Happy Hour

Yes... I'm sad to report that next week will be our last 2 games. Well unless we make the play-offs... but I'm not really sure how that works... so who knows. Sportsmonkey was kind enough to make are last games the LATE ones... being at 9:30 & 10:30 pm... which totally blows... but hopefully the Morons will have some die hard fans there anyway.

BUT whether or not you're planning to attend the game... please plan to attend the Happy Hour beforehand!!

Tuesday Aug 11
4pm
Benjy's (in the Village)
2424 Dunstan
Corner of Dunstan & Kelvin
Take Kirby southbound to Dunstan (between Sunset and Rice Blvd)

Did Someone Say Monkeys?

Well we've got 'em!!

How about a movie?

A New Cheer... by Judi

We got a big stick

We can hit the ball

We can run

throw

catch

and that ain't all

It's called M-O-R-O-N

Oh yeah

M-O-R-O-N!

Shock and Awe

No favoritism here... we'll let anyone write...

Moron's fans were in awe last night when the impossible nearly happened. Both teams gave it their all and proved that the Morons can be serious contenders in the playoffs. And the fans? Out of this world...the cheering keeps getting better by the week.
However, the shock came in the post-game press conference held at the Sportsplex bar. It began when Kim "The Blue Iguana" Carsten, candidly and unexpectedly, broke story after story involving a wide range of topics (old friends at the Blue Iguana, online dating, etc...) which left Morons amused but baffled. It must have hit close to home for our coach T-Roy "I dropped the soap" Davis, because following the Iguana's stories, he stood up and began: "My name is T-Roy and it has been seven weeks since I've been in a steam room..." not knowing how to react, a couple of team-mates awkwardly clapped in encouragement. T-Roy went on to share his frankly disturbing "Sauna" story and left us (I think I speak for all of us) uncomfortably smiling trying to show some sympathy (OK, I may have embellished the story a little bit). T-Roy probably wishes he had not shared the details of the sauna incident with his team-mates, but T-Roy "thanks for sharing", we'll get a lot of mileage out of this one. For those of you who missed the post-game debriefing, ask around...good times.
Good game all. I can't wait for the playoffs.
Andres

Testes 1-2 1-2....
As for "asking around"... I disagree... you gotta stay for the afterhours if you want to know the dirty details! As they say... What happens in the Ghettoplex Bar stays in the Ghettoplex Bar!! Kim

Muy Interesante at Escalantes

If you're hankering for a headache Wednesday morning, try Escalantes off Beechnut pre-game. Meyerland's Mexicatessan specializes in drinkability and thirsty morons. Most teams arrive at the Ghettoplex an hour or so before the game to change, stretch, throw and warm-up. Morons aren't like most teams. Aside from the fact we are 0-8, our preparation stems around 106 Negra Modelos (a smooth 12 for O'Donnell - see last week's post on blood alcohol level), 14 baskets of chips, countless quesadillas and a bar bill that satisfies staff payroll for a week. Good plan. Brought to you by - yours truly. You may say, "That sounds like good times!" And you would be right. But by the end of the night, pinned up in the softball saloon on a plastic chair surrounded by milk jugs.....the truth comes out. Boy I wish it didn't.


Stories surface after a night of cervezas as you have all now witnessed through Avocado's clever tale of a frightened young man who fell victim to an unwelcomed trespasser's hairy leg in the sauna. That is the truth. Scout's Honor. Nevertheless, now I own the steam room, take appointments (men only- hairy legs not required) and welcome and encourage the forward pass and lead the team in receptions. DOWN BOY! Avocado...thanks for the fabrication. My wife is going to have some questions tonight after reading this post. Which brings me to the Blue Iguana. Apparently, my intention was to trump Kim's story of having her jugs tugged by some girl named Pat in the women's restroom at the Blue Iguana Bar. Pre-Blue Iguana, Huggy's Pool party was the topic of conversation (see details below) and how speedos and string bikini's would somehow look sweet on a bunch of out of shape, washed up, beer guzzlers. And yes Kim my beer gut is better than yours. Pre-Pool party, the Boss was swinging from the ceiling fan or jumping from his Amoire to the bed (hat on or off?) at home injuring his back and neck and had to get a shot of Novocaine. See what Escalantes does to you, now?


Aside from the funny stories and forgettable memories, the games were close. Both teams played exceptionally well in the field and at the plate. Aside from O'Donnell losing the 1st game for us all on his own, and claiming his wing was too tired to play game 2, I'm proud of everybody else. We had the lead 6-5 in the 5th inning in Game 1 before it slipped away from us. Game 2 we put a 5 spot up on the scoreboard after the 1st inning. And of course the fans were great as usual - love the new chants. How about those cage climbers? Commence the fence like Hunter Pence makes some sense or is it dense? GO MORONS!

P.S. Huggie is inviting all of the players and fans to his house Saturday, August 29th around noon for a team pool party. Details to follow. Mark it on your calendars.......it is mandatory!!

YTD Stats Update

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