View from the Stands - Week 3

Yes... T-roy was correct in mentioning our growing fan base. Although maybe I should quit spreading the word because we're not getting much air circulation in the stands with so many friggin' people around!

Here's Mark giving his best impression of Chocolate Thunder from last week... a little more notice next time people!

It's no wonder Allen "Trump the Bump" was jealous of this guys long hair... just look how it flows in the wind.

And here's our own "Shoeless Joe" Paula keeping our stats.

Rene "Nail Smail" in her very dedicated catchers pose

Our very own Coach T-roy... Will he return next season?

Fans Fans Fans!

Look it's Big Bird's Mini Me!

How about some action shots...

Don't forget... Next time... Come Prepared!!

OH... One last thing...

SKIPPER... I NEED THE CATCHERS MASK NEXT WEEK!!!!

Out of the Ordinary

Field of Dreams. One of the greatest baseball movies ever made where they hardly play baseball. Albeit a fantasy, so seems the likelihood of a Moron win. In our moronic quest for a "W" last Tuesday night, this blogger lost interest in making light of a situation where clouds loomed. What's up with that? Why stop now? Just as Mark "went the distance" pitching two miraculous games with a bum arm, busted teeth, twisted ankle, and a blood alcohol level teetering at twice the legal limit, so too must the Morons march on. Our fans and readers have stepped up to the plate, paid their $2 each week to come out and watch their team. We owe it to them, to not only show up, but give our very best week in and week out. True we were 0-6 by 9:30 pm, but we fought and rallied our way to the end. That end lead us to the beer joint again, but at least we are good at that.

Under the Iowan lights it's not if you win or lose, it's the journey that counts, right? Speaking of journey, didn't that guy in Game 2 with the pony-tail look like a band member from Journey? And I guess you would classify the fly ball route the Boss takes as a journey. Ball mid-air, cap falls off head, Boss kneels, catches ball, stands up, picks up hat, throws to God knows where?!?!?!?!?!!? Oh and let's not forget the long journey back to the dugout after leading off at first base in a beer league with a no lead off rule. Now that can happen to anybody, we all understand, but ask yourself....why would Allen assault the base runner as he was rounding 3rd? Was he upset about being taken out of the pitching rotation? Did he not like the fact the guy had a pony-tail? Did he leave work with with his beans' unbalanced? Who knows?

Other strange occurrences happened that night for reasons we cannot possibly fathom. Apparently, James has mastered the art of invisibility. We looked out in right field in the first inning - no James. Second inning - no James......(someone said he was tying his new spike-less shoes). 3rd inning -he appeared as a apparition from the cornfield, but his jogging pants were chained to the ground as the fly ball bounced near him, but he was unable to move. Hmmm.

You know when you come to one of our games, you never know what can happen. Astonishing my good friends Kim and Paige stated it was so freaking hot, they had sweat in their crevaces......well.......not sure where to go with that one, just thought it was odd they mentioned it. And isn't it bizarre that Janet hates jugglers. You know if Presleigh wants to live the Carny life, why should Janet tell her to quit? Do you find it peculiar that Kevin's smallest little girl barks like a dog and pulls his shirt by her teeth? What a night! In the end, we found ourselves laughing, high fivin' and looking for more milk jugs. That's what we do. Plain and simple.

Thanks again to all the fans for their support. Love having you out there. Sorry for the delay in the blog. I promise it was out of the ordinary - just like a Moron.

T-roy

Former Coach of the Oxymorons

YTD Team Stats

Click on Chart for a larger view.

View for the Stands - Week 2

Let's just get this "elephant" out in the open right now... I know I'm going to go to hell for this but considering she has been the main topic of conversation today... I'll sacrifice myself for all of you...


Now that I've showed you that. Other than her strange bat warming/lubing practice (which I'm still kicking myself for not getting some video footage of) I have to give this woman MAD props! First... there's no way in hell you'd catch me walking around in tight ass WHITE baseball pants w/ shirt tucked in... but this gal walked around in total confidence. I also appreciate the fact that she either wore a thong or seamless panties w/ said pants (considering us fans in the stands had her ass in our faces quite a bit)... at least she didn't have unsightly panty lines (however it still wasn't a very appealing sight... not to me anyway... but to each their own). Second... holy crap... that chick CAN HIT (hmmm... maybe we should start using the bat warming strategy)! Therefore from hence forth she shall be deemed "Chocolate Thunder" (sorry Fred... but she's much more deserving of the title).


However Chocolate Thunder is NOT the first female power hitter we've encountered during our first four loses. These bitches are all over the place. So I'm thinkin' that maybe next time Tree Hill goes hanging out w/ these gals in the parking lot maybe he should use his powers of persuasion to get them to come join our team!! No offense to our girls of course... you may not be power hitters but at least no one is confused as to whether you are GIRLS or not!!


Now onto another subject... as for Huggies Honeys (formerly known as Huggies Hoochies) WTF??! Is it just a coincidence that neither Huggs or any of the Hooch... I mean Honeys showed up for the game this week? What up? Was there a private party at an undisclosed location or what?


And finally... NO I didn't stay for your late ass game... I don't function well on limited sleep and that's one of the reasons I'm not playing to begin with!! But at least I got one good picture!

Until next week!!

Under the Big Top

Despite the gloomy looks and hung heads on Wednesday morning, last night was a circus. I was waiting for the elephants to walk in and boy did they (for the other team) in the female form smacking line drive after line drive to the warning track. That's right sports fans, unbelievably the Oxymorons suffered through another night of excessive pummeling by the opposing team. However, that did not change the fact that last night was seriously funny. Absolutely, undeniably, ridiculous!

Have you ever seen a guy eat fence? Ask Mark how it tastes. After straining his baggets running to 1st, he decided to run teeth first into the 3rd base fenceline. This is the guy who's ankle is attached to his leg with bailing wire and duct tape. Are you kidding? Mark.....feel free to play "beer league softball" with the rest of us. Hustle is not part of the league. You'll get the idea on the mound next week.

I didn't realize Jason Russell was so religious. Apparently the Gospel according to the BOSS requires him to kneel to the god-lights while catching fly balls. His convictions were so inspiring, he witnessed to the Avocado, who failed to kneel and therefore dropped his balls in front of all his friends and family.

Randy Noble and Shebin found gopher holes. Seemless Seymour found O fer holes. Allen sang Earnest Tubb's #1 "Walking the Floor over You." And James thought wearing weapons on the bottom of his shoes would eliminate the stupid second baseman who wouldn't get out of the Boss's way. Then reverse kick her boyfriend pitcher in the jugular. Thanks James your heart is in the right place. BTW..... jogging pants got to be hot in July, brother.

My first base coach Tree Hill went missing during game 1. Awoken the Volken (and btw nice game Randy) saw him in the parking lot with one of the elephants, milk carton in hand, and Kim's camera.

Nail Smail confirmed Krisco got her keg stand in just as I predicted. That explains her mumbling and rambling, and why the concession stand had no beer for the 10:30 game. A wise man once said, warm beer is better than no beer.

Trace the Ace, Sniper, LAli and Melissa. I got nothing. Try being funnier next time.

And he who laughs at others must laugh at himself - that's the rule! So, coach T-roy, how about putting a game plan together that actually works! You are 0-4 and seriously positioned on the hotseat. Why don't you put the beer down for two seconds and pay attention to the number of outs. Forget the ace bandage on the hamstring.....hopefully the circus donkey will return to punch your ass again for good. Quit watching your towering, long fly balls to shortstop - It ain't getting outta here!

See I told you.....we laughed till our sides ached. We lossed, but we enjoy losing. So what the hell? Stay tuned for week 3. Fans bring the noise and we'll bring the tent ;)

P.S. Trix....be there or beware!

Remaining Schedules

Rainout Policy and Weather Update Link

Houston Sportsplex does not cancel any game prior to game day, regardless of the weather conditions. Up to date game rain out status is available after 5:00 PM Call 713-726-9977. You can also check the website at:
http://www.houstonsportsplex.com/weatherupdate.htm
Houston Sportsplex does not take responsibility for the weather. In the event that rain occurs between the time you call and the time you arrive, please be understanding. HSP's primary goal is to play ball. If in doubt, come out.
In the event of a power failure or rain-out, games are rescheduled as HSP deems necessary. HSP gives at least one weeks notice for rescheduled games, except during the last week of a season. HSP's obligation is to provide a field and a time for make-up games. It is the team's responsibility to field a team when scheduled. Make-up schedules are not altered.
Managers must check the rain-out schedule located in the main clubhouse or on our web site www.houstonsportsplex.com. Schedules are generally available the week following the rain-out night. Teams should always follow their regular schedule unless notified otherwise.
Thank You.

Week 2 Game - Tuesday, July 21

For any of those interested we will be meeting

@ Escalante's in Meyerland Plaza

(http://www.escalantes.net/public/default.aspx)

@ 6:30 for dinner & drinks!

Meet the Oxymorons

Click here for the rest on Week 1 Pictures!

FYI... If I didn't get your individual picture this week...

don't worry... I'll get it next week!! ;o)

Morons Enjoy Losing

If I were a random spectator just meandering around the Houston Ghettoplex, milk jug in hand towards field 4, my ears and eyes would have imagined a story much different from the scoreboard. (Let's pretend the scoreboard actually worked). A sold out baker's dozen worth of screaming fans, sporting unreasonably tight white and loli-pop red team jerseys led chants, "Let's go Morons..clap...clap...clap!" Within the confines of the dugout, the reserves stood on their feet, cheering for their teammates out in the field. The players on the diamond, focused, determined, and looking sharp (except for one dork with duct tape on his shoes) in their freshly scissored, used to be sleeved uniforms, executed flawlessly. If my eyes were to witness this collaboration of events, there is no doubt in my mind, this was a look of a champion. A Total Dominator. But this was not the case. The Oxymorons fell short in their first double header of the season. Did they hang their heads Tuesday night? No. Why? Morons enjoy losing. What? That's right! Despite the scoreboard, the team showed they could compete and have fun in the process (and the surprise discovery of an air conditioned bar and grill strategically positioned at the field's epicenter made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside too! Or was that the beer that was warm and fuzzy?)

Ok, enough of this "winning doesn't matter" and "we have heart" and "this is all for fun" blog. Time to rag on our team....cough...I mean point out the highlights from last night's action.

Hack Saw Huggins. Playboy, Lover, Womanizer. Man has skills. Couldn't keep the ladies off of him last night. Pictures will be posted soon........you'll see what I mean. Tree Hill, Don't call me Rybear, and Randy"If you give me a nickname I'll whoop your ass" Noble, super plays in the field, nice work with the bat. First homer of the year for Oxymorons hit by Mr. Mark O Really don't need to Practice. To the ladies on the team, Krisco, LAli, Skipper, Nail Smail, Trace the Ace, and Knee Nocker.... Big hits in key situations. Thanks for taking the walks when we needed them. Nice plays in the field. The outfielders..Boss, Awoken the Volken, and Who's on Second, way to fill in the deep gaps out there. Nice plays all around. Sorry I didn't mention the 1st team had all she-males. We'll know to back up next time. To our ace pitcher, Trump on the Bump. Way to go the distance. Excellent job on the hill. James thank God there's a fence behind me Hoang, hang in there brother. We got a spot for you next week more to your liking. Shoeless Joe, nice work on the books, thanks for the help in the dugout and keeping us all in line. As for T-roy, remind yourself before next game, drinking beer is not warming up. If you try and go to that gear you used to have when you were 20, you may get donkey punched in the hamstring again. To our team mom and professional photographer Trix, I'm not sure 200 pictures is enough. You may want to bring 2 cameras next time or possibly shoot some video. Appreciate the support and I never knew a dress went so well with a catcher's mask especially in a full squat position in the center of the bar full of poeple. To Susan, Darlene and the fans in the stands, thanks for keeping your teammates hydrated with beer. We owe you one. Need to think of a nickname for you.

Next week should be interesting. I'm smelling a "W."

Until then......Adios

T-roy

View from the Stands - Game 1

So we may not have won our first couple games... but the Oxymorons gave it one hell of a shot. I was actually quite impressed... and that's not just because I was behind the fence this year. One thing I can say for sure about this team is they've got the most enthusiastic fans in the ballpark! Granted we may have been more concerned about our beer than the games but I could see that the other teams were green with envy when they took a look at the fans in our stands. I'm kinda thinking the cheerleaders should rethink their uniform in order to help the team out (boobs ladies boobs)!


Knee Knocker may have been playing the game on her knees... and T-roy may have pulled his groin but keeps blaming it on his hamstring. But the diamond wasn't the only place where injuries were sustained. K Bell nearly got decapitated by the wonky ceiling fan. Luckily her sunglasses took the hit and came only slightly bumped and bruised. G Hood suffered from smoke inhalation and had to cut our right after the games. Aimeelou, K-Bomb, BonBon & Dar seemed to catch a case of the Huggies... not sure if they are contagious so be careful. S Ven got 3rd degree burns from her smokin' hot boyfriend. I suffered damage to the pedicure while crouching for my now infamous Angry Catcher pose. And we all nearly drown in our own sweat. Regardless we all had a great time!


For those of you who didn't make the game... here's a few things you should know before you head out to the Ghettoplex next week...

1) Don't use those directions that the Skipper sent out last week... they sucked.

2) They only serve beer & wine.... BUT... they do not search your bags (wink wink).

3) The beer pitchers are served in plastic 1/2 gallon milk jugs.

4) The grill is CLOSED on Tuesdays... and only Tuesdays... WTF? So unless you want to eat hot dogs or nachos for dinner then plan to join us at a TBD location for a pre-game dinner.

So no more excuses... we expect to see all your happy asses out there next week!!

Week 1 Game - Tuesday, July 14

Spring Training Ends; Morons Look Forward to Opening Day

After our 3rd and final practice, I am delighted to report that no severe injuries were sustained on Eastside field yesterday. 14 Morons participated in a simulated game showing true poise and promise, remaining hopeful to begin the season with a "W." This blogger sat back and took it all in, attempting to devise a starting lineup and batting order. With so much talent on display at one time, the task proved nearly impossible. All I could do was scratch a few notes about the players and their strengths and weaknesses. A coaches meeting is scheduled sometime today to finalize our game plan for Tuesday. Below are the notes:

Ryan "Don't call me Rybear" Hinze - nice range at SS, injury plagued, torn rotator cuff, torn meniscus in knee, possible Matzui fissures. On road to recovery, nice addition if he stays healthy. Hopefully not since he trumped my songs last night with some Def Leppard crap.

Paula "Found my Shoes" Sharon - Raw power. Lightning bat speed. Looks like our clean-up spot is locked. Hope the fence is at least 400+ to center, and our aluminum bats can hold up to the punishment she puts on the ball.

Shebin "Who's on Second" Chandran - Needs a compass or GPS. Confused as to the location of 2nd base. Nice speed on the bases when he sees them. Base coaches will come in handy. Possible middle of the line up, as he needs time to apply sunblock and lock in coordinates.

Richard "Hacksaw Jim " Huggins - What an animal! 4 screws in hip, bum knee, no problem. When he wasn't sitting next to the cooler, he was sitting next to the cooler. Could be our pinch runner or base stealing specialist. He told me, "Awl T-roy, I can't be running awl over that there outfield like cat. I's just sittin in this shade over yonder, keepin cool brother!" Anybody speak "East Texas?" May have to get ol Coop out dair? Huggy, thanks for buckets last night, buddy!

Kristie "Krisco" Choate - Her bat's as hot as peanut oil. 6 for 6 last night, looking at the # 2 hole. Throwing suspect. Tends to throw the "rainbow" or "skyball." By far the best coors light drinker on team, known as the funnel'er. Perfect since tie breakers are settled with a beer bong.

Andres "Avocado" Sobrino Castro Diego Luna Sanchez Gonzales - Tries hard. Fields ball with everything but his glove. Brought poweraid. Bought pizza. Good candidate for base coach. Bought him the Rosetta Stone software.

Ali "LA li " Toveg - SWF, Enjoys long walks on the beach, listening to Barry Manillo, and trying new things. Successful professional looking for tall, dark and handsome businessmen who enjoys horseback riding, sailing, and tennis. Must be a good listener. HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Melissa "Our Skipper" Schuetz - Loves sliding into first base. Not sure of head first or feet first so she tends to go hip first with a stop, drop and roll technique. Hope we have a play at the plate so she can gets a chance to barrel over the catcher. Could be our bruiser.

Ed "Seamless" Seymour - Perfect attendance award. Made all 3 practices. 2 nice plays in the field. Hot bat puts him in the front of the line-up. Weakness......beer drinking. Poor attendance at Velvet Melvin. Concerned about long lags between games and what he is going to do, while his team is at concession stands watching Krisco do a keg-stand.

Janet "The Sniper" - Comebacker put me within an inch of my life, and the possibility of ever having kids. Glad I am not pitching to her anymore. Did not sleep well, horrible nightmares of her beating me to a pulp with softballs.

Jason "Still the Boss" Russell - Best rapper on team. Could put him in charge of the CHEER squad. His favorite cheer was...... Avocado is a friend of mine, He can hit it anytime. Put a bat in his hand, He can do it, yes He can. Hit, na na na na Rip, na na na na Hit it hard, Hit it fast, Knock that pitcher on his ass...na na na na, na na na na..... Way to go Boss. You gave us "Street Cred."

Travis, JD, Susan - Thanks again for making the Velvet Melvin and shutting it down. Maybe time for an intervention. Will have to call the league to see if they serve red bull and vodka. If not, a bootleg operation meeting will be called.

Thanks to all for showing off your talents. Time for the real deal on Tuesday. Fans, come out and show your support by buying your favorite player a beer. An autograph booth will be set up 15 minutes previous to game time, to shake hands and take pictures with your favorite player.

Adios...T-roy