So most of you have heard, we lost a moron yesterday and several others are likely headed for the DL as a result of our second practice. This list has grown considerably since our 1st practice and SportsMonkey requires we relay to the press a weekly injury report so teams can prepare for their opponent. So here goes.......
Marc "The Dancing Bear" McCoy - out indefinitely for ripped pinky nail further complicated by a chipped bone on his way to see an ortho surgeon, doctors not sure if he'll make it. Ace pitcher and all-star first baseman not able to drink usual copious amounts of beer at bar during team meeting.....team concerned.
Paula "Shoeless Joe" Sharon - unable to locate shoes for practice, attempts to hit in socks, spins out of control with a dirt face plant during her first official At Bat. Wipes off dust and digs back in....team trainer said she is fine....took up collection to get her shoes.
Rene "Nail Smail" Noble - Broken manicured nail....unlike the dancing bear...wiped dirt on it, a splash of beer, shotgunned the rest, crushed can on head and went back out on the field.....What's the deal McCoy? Oh Rene, your husband is good!
Jason "Like a Boss" Russell - Hurt his ego taking BP. Team tries to lift spirits at bar by introducing him to 2 hot Oxymoron cheerleaders Susan and Jennifer.....girls try to get him drunk on red-bull and vodka with a pepperoni pizza chaser.....ego still an issue during carpool this morning.
Ryan Hinze, Betsy Trimble, Randy Noble, and T-roy Davis - suffered 2nd degree burns to the face as a result of the dirt being hotter than the surface of the sun. Ongoing talks about changing practice times and/or SPF 100. Rubbing cold longneck on forehead not the answer.
Outfielders Randy Volkin, Kristie Choate, Ed Seymour - frustrated with assistance coach Travis Hill's inability to hit fly balls during drills. In talks with other teams negotiating a trade for seasoned fungo hitter. Travis Hill willing to play only for another contender....Hill's price went up since he has a cool bat and he's the only moron with a home run at this point.
Skipper Melissa Schuetz - injures back pulling cooler full of Shiner Bock, and lifting her kids during practice. Coach will hit whirlpool and buy cans instead of bottles next time.
As I said, the list is lengthy and growing weekly. Speaking of WEAKLY, will the real Marc o D please stand up!! The Morons first round draft pick misses 2nd practice in a row. Doctors report he experienced an erection for more than four hours and sought medical attention.
Alison Toveg, thanks for bringing it at the plate, next time bring beer.
That's all for now...until next practice...T-roy
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1 comment:
Looks like I need to brush up on my sports lingo... or T-roy is going to have to WRITE all the stories!
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